“An armed society is invariably a polite society.” - Robert Heinlein

In stark contrast to the tough-guy machismo of popular fiction or the trollishness of internet culture, warrior cultures and classes throughout history have always placed a premium on etiquette. And with good reason. Verbal aggression or physical posturing in those environments is usually taken at face value, and responded to swiftly and decisively. An emphasis on etiquette prevents needless conflict. 

This is why etiquette in the military or in martial arts training is so formalized and emphasized. It mitigates infighting and internal conflict in organizations. It also helps to maintain discipline and chain of command structure, both of which are also vital in these environments. Without formalized etiquette these organizations would soon become dysfunctional.

Modern society has turned this principle inside-out. Now, large elements of our culture feel free to say and act in any manner they see fit, believing themselves protected by the societal notion that violence is always wrong under any circumstances regardless of provocation. This is multiplied by the phenomenon of social media and online interaction. It is even easier for people to feel protected when they aren’t communicating face to face and in real time. What they fail to understand is that this protection is illusory at best, and the illusion vanishes the moment they encounter someone who does not share that notion. 

It has also become popular to view politeness and kindness as signs of weakness. Large parts of our society think that exhibiting strength is synonymous with being rude and insulting. There are times when it is necessary to be blunt and direct, but just like physical force, these types of social force should be reserved for when they are necessary and justified.

 Politeness is not a sign of weakness, no more than kindness or compassion are. Etiquette is social lubricant. Any machine that has moving parts requires lubrication or it eventually breaks down and ceases to function. Society has a myriad of moving parts, and etiquette is the lubricant that allows society to function without breaking down. 

 It costs nothing to be polite, and it pays huge dividends.  In contrast, a lack of etiquette will always cause problems eventually. The choice to be rude and disrespectful can be very costly indeed. Far better to simply be polite.